Rejection. Most of us dread it and do our best to avoid it. But maybe we shouldn’t. As it turns out, rejection may be one of the best tools we have to create abundant joy for ourselves and others.
Rejection is the Key to Joy
Why is rejection the key to joy? Because when you know where you don’t belong, it opens the door for you to discover where you do.
There are an endless number of very famous people who were notoriously rejected. Lucille Ball was rejected as a dramatic actress, and became one of the most beloved comediennes of all time. After a failed performance at the Grand Ole Opry, Elvis was told he’d be better off as a truck driver. Steven Spielberg was rejected from the University of Southern California’s school of Theater, Film and Television three times. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
What these celebrities learned might be what would be helpful to you now: rejection is a wake-up call for you to be you.
An Odd Twist on Rejection
Rejection isn’t because someone doesn’t like you. It’s because they like something else. Oddly, that means that rejection isn’t about you at all. Instead of thinking you’ve been overlooked, ignored or disposed of, realize that the other person is seeking the exact same thing you are: a perfect fit for what they really, truly want. If that feels personal, it is: to THEM.
And if it’s not personal, rejection is simply professional: the criteria they’re trying to fulfill has specifications other than the ones you’re offering at the moment. While you can try to be that desired thing, the plain fact is that you can’t. You’re born to be you.
Ultimately, you need to find love and work that aligns with who you truly are, not some scared thought about your imagined shortcomings. Trying to be something or someone else is exhausting and terrifying, not joyful. If you really, truly want to know your purpose or find your people, one way to find it is to discover what it isn’t and who they aren’t.
This may sound awkward, but actually, it’s aligned with the natural order of how our brains work. As I’ve shared in previous blogs, 80% of the 50,000 or so thoughts we have each day are negative, as in “I won’t get that part!” or “This isn’t the response I wanted!” It’s very difficult for us to identify and hold a positive thought because we don’t attach enough emotion to them over time to materialize or allow a good match to enter.
Transforming Pain to Possibility
But rejection makes it much easier. The great thing about rejection is that initially, it is truly painful. My friend Duane put it well: “Thank you, God, for showing me what I absolutely, positively do NOT want!” Instead of being a little annoyed, frustrated or disgusted, you’re HURT. With rejection, the feeling is big, clear and powerful–impossible to ignore.
At that moment, it’s incredibly easy to both think and say, “I DON’T want to feel this way!” This begs the question: how DO you want to feel? Simply choose any of the higher vibration emotions like love, joy or peace, and you’re halfway there.
You may be asking, “How can I feel these higher emotions when I’m feeling low?” The answer is that the reason why rejection hurts because it is tied to the fear we are not safe, loved or valued. This said, I once heard that fear is just an acronym that stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. In other words, we seek acceptance because we think that without it, some terrible future awaits us.
Simple Phrases to Release Rejection
The next time you’re rejected, realize that energetically, the future is created in the present. Instead of cursing your bad luck or getting angry at the person who rejected you, try saying one of the following phrases out loud. Choose the one that makes you feel either relief, peace, or joy.
“I am happy to be connected to the person/people who love me as I am.”
“I am ready for the job/role/sale/relationship that is ideal for me.”
“My greatest joy is to share my talent with those who will most benefit from it.”
“I am relieved to know where I don’t belong, and feel safe knowing that the right people and place are waiting for me.”
“I reject all feelings of inadequacy, and instead accept the peace of knowing that I am whole.”
“Thank you for ensuring a satisfying match for me!”
“Just as I have endured the pain of rejection, I also allow and am satisfied by the joy of acceptance.”
“I accept myself and this moment as perfect, and know that everything turns out all right in the end. Since this is not all right, it can’t be the end.”
“Rejection is an ending that leads to a new beginning. I am eager to see what is about to unfold for me.”
Saying any of these may open the door to sweet surprises that will satisfy you more deeply than your original choice or hope ever did. This is because you’re opening the flow of energy and information within and around you, which allows the people and things that are more of a correct match to you to enter.
So the next time you’re rejected, feel the ouch but let love in. Joy is waiting just for you.
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